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Sound Junk - by Stef Mitchell

The Musical Guide to Breaking Up

September 17th 2008 05:26


Generic love song
This one is untitled because it specifically applies to each couple. That special song which once induced a fluttering mating dance is now the soundtrack to your misery. You can hardly hear the music over your wailing. You need to not listen to this song for at least six months to avoid jumping off a sizable gap. But you’re going to listen to it anyway, so you may as well cry it out. However when you’re unable to breathe because snot has clogged every orifice in your body you know it’s time to press pause. At least do it for the sake of your neighbors who have probably called the police in the fear that someone inside your house is torturing a sack of babies.


Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive:
The ultimate shameless classic. Go to karaoke. Belt it out. You’re still at the stage where you’re eyes look as if you’ve been in a serious car accident, and every window you look at beckons you to jump out of it. Your friends probably want to kill you by now so you won’t risk losing any by singing this song in public. Because you’ll be alone. Main risk is for boys – any female in the room will think you’re a clear candidate for the other team and are more likely to talk to you about their menstrual cycle than a possibility of rebound sex.

The Avalanches – Since I left you:
A dreamy sweet melody laced with coconuts lulls you into a beautiful false sense of security. Then the lyrics come in.. “Since I left you, I’ve found a world so new, every day”. Closing your eyes you let yourself believe that this ‘new world’ you’ve found contains a tropical island, a lot of smiley people and a never ending supply of pinna coladas. You’re not hurting anymore and happen to be extremely tanned and good looking. Everyone there loves you and you’ve acquired the ability to skip down the beach in slow motion wearing a hula skirt and a giant grin adorns your untainted heart.

Slight downer when the song ends and you open your eyes to find a doona full of chocolate slice and a landscape of used tissues. Try and hit ‘repeat’ before reaching for the blade.

The Teenagers – Homecoming
So you’ve dragged your sorry arse out of bed to try and stimulate blood circulation if nothing else. The sudden movement has released some of your dormant serotonin and you get a fleeting kick of confidence. The unemotional, cocky swagger of The Teenagers suddenly appeals to you. They represent everything you are not. In a pathetic attempt to emulate them, you scream the lyrics “I fucked my American c*nt” and “It was a dirty dream come true, just like I like it she’s got nice tits”. That’s right, all you’ve been dreaming about is the hot sex you’re going to have, you don’t even want emotional attachment or security; you’re a machine. You’re life revolves around being the pimp you’ve always knew you were. You like nice tits. And apparently you like fucking your cousin.
Who are you kidding? Go back to bed and wallow, fool.

The Vines – Get Free
“I wanna get free ride into the sun, she never loved me why would anyone?” This is the premise for your first night ‘out on the town’. Don’t take any valuables, disable your phone from making calls and sending txt msg’s, wear as much protective gear as possible and don’t go anywhere where anyone will know you. Make some calls to secure a friend who will bail you out of jail in the morning.

UB40 - Red Red Wine
What better song to sing while you’re wrapped in flannelet pj's, getting drunk and considering an overdose on whatever prescription medications you can find in the kitchen? “Red, red wine stay close to me, don`t let me be alone It`s tearin` apart my blue, blue heart”. You then write a request for paramedics to throw your blue blue heart at the front door of your ex’s house. Maybe then they’ll be sorry.

Underworld – Born Slippy
This works best for when you have been clinically classified as ‘emotionally barron’. You are a zombie and have moved onto being completely indifferent to your wellbeing. You are taking drugs and don’t like emerging from your den during daylight hours. You wear baggy, ripped jeans, have a shaved head and are running through a street in Scotland with a large bag of cash and a big grin on your face. This is what happens if you don’t ‘chose life’.
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Thieves riot at the Metro

August 27th 2008 13:08


The combination of British India and absence of any sort of barricade at Sydney’s Metro Theatre was always a riot begging to be started. After what seemed like a three year wait before the boys appeared, the unsuspecting foursome casually strolled on stage. The lead singer Declan tripped on his toe and stumbled, the kind of manoeuvre usually occurring at a school bus stop when there’s someone nearby to impress. Recovery however came not in the form of a red faced attempt to blend into the nearest large tree but bursting the silence with a single stroke of the electric guitar and almost whispering into the microphone “God is dead so meet the kids now they’re on stage for you”.

Within about five seconds the audience were thrashing themselves against the stage and into each other. Things only got more heated as the set got better. While Splendour In The Grass provided a killer crowd for British India it was contained by barricades and security guards who’s thighs were the size of a small cow. Also contained at Byron Bay was the time limit, so with more freedom on their hands the band pumped out rare live versions of Council Flat, Tie Up My Hands and Funeral For A Trend. The latter was played by the boys almost 18mths ago and only released on their latest record Thieves, and despite it’s slower pace it seemed the crowd tried to out-sing the band and can be blamed for everyone’s partial deafness afterwards.

The crowd showed their appreciation of the set by throwing themselves on stage after one small hand gesture by Declan. Taking to the stage, fans hijacked the microphones and bounced off the walls. Amongst the audience was The Grates drummer Alana Skyring who has been making her own tracks with their album Teeth Lost Hearts Won.

Thieves is a clear jump forward from the boys first album; proving this humble Melbourne band really know how to make noise. If the crowds reaction is anything to go by it won’t be long before British India are making headway overseas.



Alana Skyring being subtly accosted by a fan..
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" This is gold - Santogold! "

July 29th 2008 02:45


Santi White has been called a lot of things lately. Aside from her alter ego Santogold, music junkies have pinned her as “M.I.A who can actually sing”. A big call to make, but there is no doubt this Philadelphian native has a lot to say. The real question lies however with whether we are ready for her or not.

While Santogold may share the same producers as the infamous M.I.A, no one has been able to pull off the outrageous sounds of chaos that she naturally produces. White draws her influences from grimy analog sounds, electro and punk. This eclectic but natural progression of sound may have something to do with her equally broad background in music. Santi White started off working for Epic Records after graduating from music school. From there she started producing records, which then evolved into writing lyrics and after being frustrated with her songs not being performed how they were made to be, she decided to take to the mic herself. While her frustration may just sound like another whining lyricist, after hearing White in action you realise that no one else could possible match the organised conundrum of sound that is Santogold.

The raw energy and catchy off beat tunes of Santogold are envied by the likes of Mark Ronson who recently stated to Rolling Stone that he was jealous of her ability to completely abandon mainstream expectations of what music should be. While it’s one thing to say such a comment, you need only to listen to one of Santogold’s creations to understand the extent of her abandonment. ‘Creator’ from her debut album opens with African drumming and Santogold’s voice literally sliding like it’s being dragged up the neck of an electric guitar. The song then bangs into rapping with a layer of electro whirring happening somewhere close by.

It doesn’t seem logical for someone to attempt making such sounds mesh, but that’s the beauty of Santogold, there is no logical reason behind her sound. No one sums up the magic of Santi better than herself, recently telling Australia’s J-MagYou can tell when someone is in it. It comes out of a place; they’re not thinking about what would be the proper note for this progression.. it’s almost like your spirit comes out of your mouth. That’s what I’m striving towards.”


Santogold’s lyrics however have every intention of making their mark. Her most well known song L.E.S Artistes was created shortly after the death of her father, and details her attempt at throwing herself back into reality and life. After moving to New York to start over again, you can hear the pain in Santogold’s voice when she sings the chorus “I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up”. Looking through the lyrics on paper you sense the sadness in her, but the song is mostly delivered with a punchy air of defiance. She even manages to slice down the pretentious bullshit of New York:

Build me up, bring me down
just leave me out you name dropper
Stop tryin to catch my eye
I see you good you forced faker
Just make it easy
You're my enemy you fast talker


Santogold’s genius cannot be accurately described by writing or reviews. So what are you waiting for?
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I never thought I’d see the day when a mainstream pop song, played on Nova, would be about lesbians


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Van She dropped from Modular?

June 27th 2008 05:04


Rumors have been flying lately that Van She are about to be dropped from their record label Modular. The band played last night in Sydney at the filming of MTV’s music show, The Lair. The audience was lively enough with the usual head bopping skulk of a dance that has formed a genre of it’s own with Modular’s bands in particular. There were also the generic two or three psychos who take the essence of ‘dance like nobody’s watching’ a little too far and appear to be violently fitting, creating a three meter radius of an exclusion zone around themselves. And yes, they had the ‘crazy’ hair thing going on


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The Presets Live

June 25th 2008 05:01


Cramming into Sydney’s Hordern Pavilion I could feel the (non drug related) buzz that my stomach reserves only for the only two men with slightly receding hairlines that I fancy: The Presets
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So Daniel Johns and his “new flame” have finally been ‘snapped’ together. It seems that Silverchair front man has become something of an old hat at playing rock-star, not surprising considering his success from the tender age of 15yrs old


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"GOD IS GAY AND SO AM I"

June 11th 2008 03:12
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"HOMOSEXUAL SEX RULES"

June 4th 2008 12:53
[Just because I love him..Part 1]


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Oracular Spectacular

June 2nd 2008 05:29
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